Saturday, October 6, 2012

31 Days to a Happy Marriage: Day 7: Guest Post - Lori Adgate

I am so excited about this post today!  I have known Lori Adgate for many years.  This girl comes from the best stock!  She has been married to her husband, Seth, for over 4 years, and they have 2 precious boys, Legend & Cash.  Seriously, with names like that you know these are some cool people!  Seth and Lori are the youth pastors (among many other things) at their church, Family Bible Church, in Eustis, FL where Lori's parents, Allen & Janice Speegle, are the pastors.

I asked Lori if she would share her story as our guest poster today.  It's a story I relate to so much, and I'm learning more and more of us married folk have similar stories.  Take it away, Lori!

When I met Seth I was at a place of completely selfishness in my life. I had just graduated high school and was living for myself. Don't get me wrong, I loved The Lord and I wanted to follow his plan for my life, but I see looking back that my biggest concern was me. Seth had just left a long term relationship and I myself had been in and out of relationships of some form for almost 4 years. Neither one of us were in any place to pursue something more serious than just friendship, yet we did. Everything was fine at first, yet quickly it went from good to bad. For about a year our relationship was off and on, until finally we made the choice to be exclusive and see where it would lead us. We ended up getting married less than a year later.

Our first year of marriage was spent in Dallas Texas where we worked and went to school. From the get-go there was constant arguing and disagreements. Neither one of us had real trust for the other and it showed. Anytime we were alone another fight would begin so we tried to mask it by being with others as much as possible. There is no doubt that we loved one another by the world's standards of love, yet by what Jesus said love was in 1 Corinthians, we lacked immensely. We were two complete individuals, never coming together as one unit, a team. Many tears were shed and hurting words were said in that apartment. I remember lying in bed many nights praying for a breakthrough or a way out. I felt too embarrassed to ask for help, to ashamed to leave, I was stuck. But things transpired and we moved back to Florida around our one year anniversary. Seth became an employee at church and I was a student. Missing my income, we ended up living with my parents for about 6 months.
My parents quickly saw that things were not healthy in our relationship. One day I can remember so vividly, my mom and dad asked to meet with us. I remember sitting in the living room of their house as they began to confront these issues they saw so present in our marriage. I was so embarrassed. I felt like a failure and couldn't believe I was in that place. But I knew that the road we were on would only lead to divorce. That day changed our marriage. Not because my parents had magic in their words, but because we, for the first time, were willing to confront what was going on. We were willing to sit down and see, yes we have some major problems. It was the first time I myself sat down and saw my issues and not just Seth's. I am so thankful for that day. My life would be so empty if we would have eventually given up. Not only would I have lost my best friend, but my boys wouldn't be here.
Marriage takes constant work. Not by just the wife or just the husband, but both. It's teamwork at its finest. It takes courage to face the problems. Many times Its easier to hide behind busy schedules and excuses. I know I did it. And it takes humility to say we need help. I'm not saying Seth and I are perfect now, that we never argue or disagree. But, I am saying we have learned what respect really is. We have learned to respect each other and ourselves. We have learned what forgiveness is.
If you are in that place with your marriage, don't give up. Confront the issues and ask for help from Godly counsel. God created family. His son died so that your family can thrive. Allow him to make that possible!

Isn't that an awesome story of God restoring a marriage?  God is so faithful!  I think where Lori says she felt too embarrassed to ask for help is the point so many of us get to.  Find people who can give you godly counsel when you're having a hard time in your marriage.  Knowing that God is for us and that He's not condemning us opens us up for correction and counsel.  Knowing there is hope for your marriage opens the door up for happiness!
Thank you for sharing your story, Lori!

*Find a list with links to the other posts in this series here.*


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