Thursday, October 25, 2012

31 Days to a Happy Marriage: Day 25: Expectations, these little (or great) things can make or break a relationship.

Expectations in and of themselves are not bad.  But, when an expectation is placed on another person it can cause a lot of frustration.

A lot of times we have expectations and don't even realize it....

Husbands should take out the trash and make sure the oil is changed...
Wives should have the house clean and supper cooked....
We should have nice things so people know we're doing well....
Husbands should be able to read wives' minds....
Husbands and wives should have sex this many times per week....

Some expectations are put in our heads by how we grew up or by what we believed was a good functioning marriage as children.

Some expectations we put on ourselves because we want to fit in or appear to have it all together.

Either way, expectations can cause a lot of frustration in your marriage, especially when it's not a spoken one.

Let me give you an example....

If I have the expectation that Jeremiah should know what I feel like and what I'm thinking, then I'll get aggravated at him when he does things opposite of what I think.  If I think Jeremiah should take out the trash, but he doesn't, I will probably get upset.  I have this little expectation of how our life should be, it puts pressure on our  marriage, and when it's not fulfilled, I'm upset.

Ask yourself what expectations you are placing on your spouse.  Remove them.  It will relieve the pressure from your relationship.

If your husband doesn't take out the trash like you think he should, then you take it out.
If your wife doesn't have the house cleaned like you think she should, then you clean it.

There's an old saying that says, “We tend to judge others by their actions, and we judge ourselves by our intentions.” 

Romans 14:13 tells us, "Forget about deciding what’s right for each other. Here’s what you need to be concerned about: that you don’t get in the way of someone else, making life more difficult than it already is."

It's not fair to put expectations on others, especially our spouse.  Instead of expecting our spouse to fulfill a need, let's serve and love them.  Let's ask them, "What can I do to make your life easier?"

Find a list with links to the other posts in this series here.*


  1. Ouch Kristen! You are stepping on my toes this morning. I needed to read this one. Thanks and keep up the good work!

    1. Oh, girl! I'm stepping on my own toes throughout this whole thing! Ha! :)