Wednesday, October 17, 2012

31 Days to a Happy Marriage: Day 17: The Marriage Battle Cry: Correction

I will tell you....I am overly qualified to write today's post, because I can tell you exactly what not to do! Ha!

I don't know why us married folk get it in our heads sometimes that we have the right to correct our spouse.  We don't.  Plain and simple.  (I'm pretty sure I'm writing this post for myself today!) Who made us God?  Who made us the Holy Spirit to our dear one?


Many times we make it our job to tell our spouse what they are doing wrong, how they are acting wrong, and then move on to how they need to fix it.  We know best, or so we think.

Listen to me very, very, very carefully.

You will chip away at the very being of the person you love if you continue to correct them, especially in public.  I promise.  It will be ugly and painful.

I know as a correct-er, you really feel like you're helping out and making them 'better', but the correct-ee is slowly but surely feeling like they aren't good enough and can't do anything right.

This all comes back to Jesus.  If you really believe your righteousness is found in Him, you won't feel the need to make everyone else right around you to make sure you look good.  You will let your spouse do things their own way and have their own opinions without it having to be the way you think it should be.

Correction comes in many forms:

You're not washing that dish the right way, do it this way....
The vacuum marks on the floor should go back and forth, not left to right....
You need to hit the brake sooner....
Why can't you ever do this.....
Why do you have to do it that way....

Etc., etc., etc...

Our poor spouse shouldn't have to put up with that.  We're not their mommas; we're not their Holy Spirit; and we're not their teachers.  Beg your spouse for forgiveness if you've corrected them, especially if you've corrected them in public.  We are their lover, help mate, and biggest fan.  Don't take on another role in your marriage that will just bring more pressure to it.  Rest.  Love.  Compromise.  Let your spouse do things the way he wants to without saying a single word about it.  Leave that poor man (or woman) alone.

I've already shared this scripture, but it is worth repeating...

Matthew 7:1-5 says“Don’t pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults— unless, of course, you want the same treatment. That critical spirit has a way of boomeranging. It’s easy to see a smudge on your neighbor’s face and be oblivious to the ugly sneer on your own. Do you have the nerve to say, ‘Let me wash your face for you,’ when your own face is distorted by contempt? It’s this whole traveling road-show mentality all over again, playing a holier-than-thou part instead of just living your part. Wipe that ugly sneer off your own face, and you might be fit to offer a washcloth to your neighbor."

Shew, Ok.  Now, I'm going to re-read this to myself as many times as it take for it to sink in. I might be here for awhile.  Ha!

Find a list with links to the other posts in this series here.*


  1. I am reading and re-reading this one!!

    1. This goes great with the nagging post from a few days ago. I need to re-read this one too. Thanks Kristen for all the great blogs!!

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