Tuesday, October 30, 2012

31 Days to a Happy Marriage: Day 30: Foreplay

We're jumping in the deep end!  Why not?  This is real life and what real married couples deal with.  Ain't no shame!

God designed sex to be good and to be that connecting factor for husbands and wives.  God wants you and your spouse to have an awesome sex life!  One of the very first things He told Adam and Eve to do was "be fruitful and multiply."  Ummm...you guessed it!  That means have sex!  God is all about a good, healthy sex life for married couples.

So, on to foreplay...

We're going to talk about two different types of foreplay....out of the bedroom and in the bedroom.  The definition for foreplay is set of emotionally intimate and physically intimate acts between two or more people meant to create sexual arousal and desire for sexual activity

Foreplay Out of the Bedroom
I really believe that foreplay out of the bedroom is the most important.  Usually, without it, you won't even get to foreplay in the bedroom.  Foreplay out of the bedroom in it's most basic form is this....men need to feel respected and women need to feel loved.  Have you read Love & Respect? Dr. Eggerichs explains it so clearly.  

Ephesians 5:33 tells us, "However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."

It's really hard to get 'in the mood' if you're a man and you feel like your wife doesn't respect you.  This comes in the form of nagging, correcting (especially in public), and even emasculating.  Husbands have a hard time giving love when they don't feel respected.  Love & Respect encourages wives to test their husbands by doing the respect test.  The respect test is when you tell your husband what you respect about him and listen to how he responds.  I did this with Jeremiah.  I told him a list of things I respect about him...he's willing to workout in the gym every morning to be healthy for our family; he works long hours to provide for our family; he helps maintain the house; he's a great dad, etc.  

Do you know what his response to me was?  "I love you, too!"  I never even used the word "love," but it was his automatic response to me respecting him.

When men feel respected they give love.  Respecting your husband is the best way to start foreplay outside of the bedroom.  You know, besides showing up naked with food.

It's really hard to get 'in the mood' if you're a woman and you don't feel like your husband loves you.  This comes in the form of neglect, unappreciation, and lack of support (emotionally and physically).  Wives have a hard time giving respect when they don't feel loved.  Husbands, you have a golden opportunity to have a great sex life when you really show your wife that you love her.  Help wash the dishes.  Change the kid's dirty diaper.  Send her a sweet text.  Let her know you love her and are thinking about her.  Brag about her to your buddies.  She might want to jump you right then and there!  If you treat her without love during the day, it's not fair to expect her to want to make love during the night.

If you find yourself in the crazy cycle of not respecting and loving each other, decide to break it.  It only takes 1 spouse to make that first move.  It will be worth it and, I bet you'll see a great return in the bedroom!

Foreplay In the Bedroom
So, have you read Song of Solomon?  Here's the very first verse of chapter 1:

Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth—for your love is more delightful than wine.

Talk about some foreplay!  Foreplay is Bible stuff!

As a couple has been married over time, sometimes it takes a little longer for the juices to get flowing than in those first few years.  Hormones settle in and life happens.  Foreplay is an extremely helpful way to rev up the engines!

My parents are pastors and have done many marriage conferences and marital counseling.  They've always said, "Women are like crock pots and men are like microwaves."  Sometimes, it just takes us women a little longer to get warmed up (if we even get warmed up).  Husbands, you can really help in this area by going slow and making sure you're both on the same page while you're in the bedroom.  Women, you can help your husbands out by acting like you're into it.

Take the time to make your bedroom romantic.  Set out the candles.  Play some good music.  Get the mood going in the right direction before you expect your spouse to be on board and raring to go.  Don't wait until Christmas and Birthdays to be intimate.  Make it a priority in your marriage. 

                                                                        Source: urbanoutfitters.com via Nastja on Pinterest

Intimacy and sex in a marriage can bond a couple so that during the hard times it's hard to break them a part.  Don't neglect this part of your marriage!  Many times it's the first to go when we get busy in life.  It needs to stay a priority.

Try out different kinds of foreplay in and out of the bedroom.  Have fun with it!  God loves to see married couples have a happy sex life!

Find a list with links to the other posts in this series here.*

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