Saturday, October 27, 2012

31 Days to a Happy Marriage: Day 27: Guest Post - My Momma! (Beth Allen)

I love my momma. SOOO much.  She's a wonderful lady.  I love that as I'm growing up I see myself being more and more like her.  My parents have been married for 30+ years (I know that's crazy since my momma is only 35, ha!).  My parents pastor Living Hope Church together.  They've seen it all.  She has such great wisdom when it comes to marriage.  I hope you enjoy this post!

Take it away momma....

One of the dirtiest words in marriage begins with the letter S. You say "what is it". The answer is "STRIFE".

The first part of Proverbs 12:29 says,

     "He that troubleth his own house shall inherit the wind."

I can hear you say, "I would never do that!", "I would never cause trouble in my own home!", but unfortunately we do.  I found myself doing that, especially in my early years of marriage. We are not aware of it, but most of us go into marriage with a self absorbed, idolized view. We are very self-centered because before we got married our life was all about me, me, me. 

Back to strife, I'll give you some examples.

I like my bed sheets tight & tucked in. Ronald, likes his loose and half the time they are pushed to the middle of the bed and he is only under the bedspread. Ugh! Well, when we first got married I changed the sheets & tuck the bottom end in. Then I would get mad when we got into bed and the first thing he'd do was lift his leg up as high as he could, pulling his end out & mine out too! Then a fight would ensue.   

How I solved the problem:
It's easy! When I make the bed I tuck my side in, keeping his side out. (It ain't rocket science.)

Ronald was more of a meat & potato kind of guy, me, I can eat anything! He worked for the Fire Department 24 hrs on, 48 hrs off. Because of our finances sometimes I fixed hotdogs, grilled cheese sandwiches & soup, and fish sticks for dinner. He hated these meals and would complain any time I served them.

How I solved the problem:
The kids & I would eat them on the nights he was at the Firehall. It was like a mini-vacation from the kitchen for me when I could fix those quick & easy meals. Then when he was home I would go all out & he appreciated it so much.

Next example:
I thought one of Ronald's at home jobs was to take the trash out. Well, he was always forgetting or I would be nagging at him to do it.

How I solved the problem:
I'd take the garbage out. How simple is that? You might be saying, "I have to do it all". Well since I've been taking the garbage out you wouldn't believe how many compliments I have received. It must have been a burden to him. I get so much more out of doing that one little thing for him! It only takes a minute to walk the garbage can from the back of the house to the curb.

You are probably thinking, "None of this stuff is a big deal!", how is it sowing strife in my marriage? But look what it says in Song of Solomon 2:15

     Take us the foxes, the little foxes, that spoil the vines: for our vines have tender grapes.

My translation is this:  problems that start out small and petty can become big issues in a marriage. It's these small annoyances that pick, pick, pick at the life of a marriage. It's not what you are arguing's that you are always arguing in the first place. This can destroys the peace in your marriage just when it's beginning.

If you find there is strife in your home take a look and see if what you are doing is adding to it.  Like Proverbs  12:29       says, you will inherit the wind. In other words, "do you always have to be right?" I know these issues I've mentioned seem small or petty, but the deeper issue stems from a need to be right, not an attitude of service and love.  Loves seeks the other's best, love always believes the best.  Strife comes from a need to be right, and that need can only be met by receiving it as gift from God.  

Man!  Aren't you glad you read this?  Thanks momma for sharing your wisdom with all of us!  You're a blessing!

Find a list with links to the other posts in this series here.*

No comments:

Post a Comment