Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex GIVEAWAY!

That's right, I'm giving away another copy of Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex!  You have until tonight to win!

Just follow the directions on the Rafflecopter Widget below.

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(Open to USA residents only)

Winner, Winner! Chicken Dinner!

Congrats Cassi! Be sure to check your email.

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Thank you to everyone who participated in this giveaway!

31 Days to a Happy Marriage: Day 31: Sex as a Weapon

I know what you might be thinking...and we're not talking about dominatrix here. (Yikes!)

What we are talking about today is using sex (or lack thereof) as a way to manipulate or punish your spouse.

"He didn't do this right, so there's no way I'm having sex with him tonight!"
"I'll show him!"
"I'm just not sexually attracted to my spouse anymore."

When you take sex away for reasons like that, what you're saying is, "My love for you is based on your actions and what you can do for me.  It's not based on the fact that I love you, just because."

1 Corinthians 7:3-5 tells us this, "³ The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. ⁴ The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife. ⁵ Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control."

This is not an issue of one spouse being in control of the other or forcing one to have sex.  That's just wrong.  This is an issue of deciding to not be self-centered.  It's an issue of coming together intimately to strengthen the marriage bond.

I understand that medical issues and exhaustion come in to play.  I also know that a loving spouse should be sensitive to how their mate feels physically.  I'm not talking about those times.  I'm talking about the times when sex is just down-right denied for no-good reason.  It's dangerous to do that.  

We talked yesterday about foreplay, and I really believe that if foreplay is brought into the equation, sex will be more pleasurable for both parties and there won't be a desire to deny a spouse of it.

If sex has not been pleasurable for you, there are some practical ways to make it better.

Husbands:  If your wife denies you sex because it's not pleasurable for her, take some advice.  Ask your wife what she likes, and really focus on pleasing her during the sexual experience and not just "getting yours."  There are physical ways for men to 'hold out' so the wife can get the most pleasure.  Make the sexual experience less focused on you and more focused on the awesome intimacy with your wife.  If you're denying your wife sex, you're crushing her self-esteem.  Show her love this way, and she'll be able to show you love and respect in the ways you need.

Wives:  If you're denying your husband sex, stop.  Get to the root issue and resolve it, but don't deny your husband sex.  Maybe even be the one to initiate sex.  Shock him!  If you're being denied sex by your husband, consider a few things....how's his stress level?  Ask him if there's something you can do to help him relax.  Are you really respecting him?  If you're not, you could be turning him off.

In our culture, sex has become about "ME, ME, ME!" and what's the most pleasure *I* can get from it.  Sex in a marriage should be more about 'us' and less about 'me'.  When we take the time to be intimate and pleasure our spouse, we're strengthening our marriage bonds.  Have sex!  Have lots of sex!  Enjoy that time with your spouse!

I'm so grateful you've joined me on this 31 Days series.  There were times I wasn't sure I'd make it, and your encouragement and reading made all the difference.  God really does want us to have a happy marriage.  We're blessed to get to be married.  I hope you've enjoyed this series!  Thank you for reading!

The giveaway ends tonight!  If you haven't signed-up, there's still time!

Find a list with links to the other posts in this series here.*

31 Days to a Happy Marriage: Day 30: Foreplay

We're jumping in the deep end!  Why not?  This is real life and what real married couples deal with.  Ain't no shame!

God designed sex to be good and to be that connecting factor for husbands and wives.  God wants you and your spouse to have an awesome sex life!  One of the very first things He told Adam and Eve to do was "be fruitful and multiply."  Ummm...you guessed it!  That means have sex!  God is all about a good, healthy sex life for married couples.

So, on to foreplay...

We're going to talk about two different types of foreplay....out of the bedroom and in the bedroom.  The definition for foreplay is set of emotionally intimate and physically intimate acts between two or more people meant to create sexual arousal and desire for sexual activity. 

Foreplay Out of the Bedroom
I really believe that foreplay out of the bedroom is the most important.  Usually, without it, you won't even get to foreplay in the bedroom.  Foreplay out of the bedroom in it's most basic form is this....men need to feel respected and women need to feel loved.  Have you read Love & Respect? Dr. Eggerichs explains it so clearly.  

Ephesians 5:33 tells us, "However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."

It's really hard to get 'in the mood' if you're a man and you feel like your wife doesn't respect you.  This comes in the form of nagging, correcting (especially in public), and even emasculating.  Husbands have a hard time giving love when they don't feel respected.  Love & Respect encourages wives to test their husbands by doing the respect test.  The respect test is when you tell your husband what you respect about him and listen to how he responds.  I did this with Jeremiah.  I told him a list of things I respect about him...he's willing to workout in the gym every morning to be healthy for our family; he works long hours to provide for our family; he helps maintain the house; he's a great dad, etc.  

Do you know what his response to me was?  "I love you, too!"  I never even used the word "love," but it was his automatic response to me respecting him.

When men feel respected they give love.  Respecting your husband is the best way to start foreplay outside of the bedroom.  You know, besides showing up naked with food.

It's really hard to get 'in the mood' if you're a woman and you don't feel like your husband loves you.  This comes in the form of neglect, unappreciation, and lack of support (emotionally and physically).  Wives have a hard time giving respect when they don't feel loved.  Husbands, you have a golden opportunity to have a great sex life when you really show your wife that you love her.  Help wash the dishes.  Change the kid's dirty diaper.  Send her a sweet text.  Let her know you love her and are thinking about her.  Brag about her to your buddies.  She might want to jump you right then and there!  If you treat her without love during the day, it's not fair to expect her to want to make love during the night.

If you find yourself in the crazy cycle of not respecting and loving each other, decide to break it.  It only takes 1 spouse to make that first move.  It will be worth it and, I bet you'll see a great return in the bedroom!

Foreplay In the Bedroom
So, have you read Song of Solomon?  Here's the very first verse of chapter 1:

Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth—for your love is more delightful than wine.

Talk about some foreplay!  Foreplay is Bible stuff!

As a couple has been married over time, sometimes it takes a little longer for the juices to get flowing than in those first few years.  Hormones settle in and life happens.  Foreplay is an extremely helpful way to rev up the engines!

My parents are pastors and have done many marriage conferences and marital counseling.  They've always said, "Women are like crock pots and men are like microwaves."  Sometimes, it just takes us women a little longer to get warmed up (if we even get warmed up).  Husbands, you can really help in this area by going slow and making sure you're both on the same page while you're in the bedroom.  Women, you can help your husbands out by acting like you're into it.

Take the time to make your bedroom romantic.  Set out the candles.  Play some good music.  Get the mood going in the right direction before you expect your spouse to be on board and raring to go.  Don't wait until Christmas and Birthdays to be intimate.  Make it a priority in your marriage. 

                                                                        Source: urbanoutfitters.com via Nastja on Pinterest

Intimacy and sex in a marriage can bond a couple so that during the hard times it's hard to break them a part.  Don't neglect this part of your marriage!  Many times it's the first to go when we get busy in life.  It needs to stay a priority.

Try out different kinds of foreplay in and out of the bedroom.  Have fun with it!  God loves to see married couples have a happy sex life!

Find a list with links to the other posts in this series here.*

Remember the giveaway ends soon!

Giveaway! & 31 Days to a Happy Marriage: Day 29: Let's Talk about Sex, Baby.

Alright....

Y'all knew this had to come....

The SEX talk.

Trust me, it's a good thing.


We'll be talking about sex until the conclusion of the 31 Days series.

To kick it off, let's have a giveaway!

About the Book:

Do bad girls really have more fun? Surveys say no. The women who are most likely to enjoy sex are married and religious. In other words, they're Good Girls!

But good girls know that making sex great isn't about acting trashy. It's about recognizing what God really designed sex for, and then learning how to reap all these benefits and joyfully enjoy your husband.

Frank and contemporary, The Good Girls' Guide to Great Sex will give the newly engaged and new brides—and some veteran wives—a Christian resource to answer their most intimate, and embarrassing, questions. In a conversational style, with lots of humorous anecdotes, the book will show that sex isn't just physical: it's also an emotional and spiritual experience. And we'll learn why commitment in a Christian marriage is the perfect recipe for a sex life which is out of this world!

I listed this book on the resources post.  It's a great book.  Even if you don't consider yourself a 'good girl', you can gain a lot of great info from this book.

To enter the giveaway, follow the Rafflecopter widget below.



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Find a list with links to the other posts in this series here.*

31 Days to a Happy Marriage: Day 28: What is Love?

I sure hope y'all can forgive me that I didn't post yesterday.  I needed a break. :)  But, I still want to put up a post.

This is going back to the basics.  This is what we forget the most and need the most.

When we understand that GOD IS LOVE and gives it freely and unconditionally to us, we're able to give it to our spouse.

Please read this scripture twice.  Once replacing "love" with "God" and then a second time as is.  God's pretty good.

1 Corinthians 13

1 If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don’t love, I’m nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate.

² If I speak God’s Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, “Jump,” and it jumps, but I don’t love, I’m nothing.

^3-7 If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don’t love, I’ve gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love.

Love never gives up.

Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
Love doesn’t strut,
Doesn’t have a swelled head,
Doesn’t force itself on others,
Isn’t always “me first,”
Doesn’t fly off the handle,
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.

^8-10 Love never dies. Inspired speech will be over some day; praying in tongues will end; understanding will reach its limit. We know only a portion of the truth, and what we say about God is always incomplete. But when the Complete arrives, our incompletes will be canceled.

¹¹ When I was an infant at my mother’s breast, I gurgled and cooed like any infant. When I grew up, I left those infant ways for good.

¹² We don’t yet see things clearly. We’re squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won’t be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We’ll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!

¹³ But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love.

Find a list with links to the other posts in this series here.*

31 Days to a Happy Marriage: Day 27: Guest Post - My Momma! (Beth Allen)

I love my momma. SOOO much.  She's a wonderful lady.  I love that as I'm growing up I see myself being more and more like her.  My parents have been married for 30+ years (I know that's crazy since my momma is only 35, ha!).  My parents pastor Living Hope Church together.  They've seen it all.  She has such great wisdom when it comes to marriage.  I hope you enjoy this post!

Take it away momma....

One of the dirtiest words in marriage begins with the letter S. You say "what is it". The answer is "STRIFE".

The first part of Proverbs 12:29 says,

     "He that troubleth his own house shall inherit the wind."

I can hear you say, "I would never do that!", "I would never cause trouble in my own home!", but unfortunately we do.  I found myself doing that, especially in my early years of marriage. We are not aware of it, but most of us go into marriage with a self absorbed, idolized view. We are very self-centered because before we got married our life was all about me, me, me. 

Back to strife, I'll give you some examples.

Problem:

I like my bed sheets tight & tucked in. Ronald, likes his loose and half the time they are pushed to the middle of the bed and he is only under the bedspread. Ugh! Well, when we first got married I changed the sheets & tuck the bottom end in. Then I would get mad when we got into bed and the first thing he'd do was lift his leg up as high as he could, pulling his end out & mine out too! Then a fight would ensue.   

How I solved the problem:

It's easy! When I make the bed I tuck my side in, keeping his side out. (It ain't rocket science.)

Problem:

Ronald was more of a meat & potato kind of guy, me, I can eat anything! He worked for the Fire Department 24 hrs on, 48 hrs off. Because of our finances sometimes I fixed hotdogs, grilled cheese sandwiches & soup, and fish sticks for dinner. He hated these meals and would complain any time I served them.

How I solved the problem:

The kids & I would eat them on the nights he was at the Firehall. It was like a mini-vacation from the kitchen for me when I could fix those quick & easy meals. Then when he was home I would go all out & he appreciated it so much.

Next example:

I thought one of Ronald's at home jobs was to take the trash out. Well, he was always forgetting or I would be nagging at him to do it.

How I solved the problem:

I'd take the garbage out. How simple is that? You might be saying, "I have to do it all". Well since I've been taking the garbage out you wouldn't believe how many compliments I have received. It must have been a burden to him. I get so much more out of doing that one little thing for him! It only takes a minute to walk the garbage can from the back of the house to the curb.

You are probably thinking, "None of this stuff is a big deal!", how is it sowing strife in my marriage? But look what it says in Song of Solomon 2:15

     Take us the foxes, the little foxes, that spoil the vines: for our vines have tender grapes.

My translation is this:  problems that start out small and petty can become big issues in a marriage. It's these small annoyances that pick, pick, pick at the life of a marriage. It's not what you are arguing about...it's that you are always arguing in the first place. This can destroys the peace in your marriage just when it's beginning.

If you find there is strife in your home take a look and see if what you are doing is adding to it.  Like Proverbs  12:29       says, you will inherit the wind. In other words, "do you always have to be right?" I know these issues I've mentioned seem small or petty, but the deeper issue stems from a need to be right, not an attitude of service and love.  Loves seeks the other's best, love always believes the best.  Strife comes from a need to be right, and that need can only be met by receiving it as gift from God.  

Man!  Aren't you glad you read this?  Thanks momma for sharing your wisdom with all of us!  You're a blessing!

Find a list with links to the other posts in this series here.*