How did I get so blessed? Oh, I know. I'm loved. I'm loved. I'm loved. Sometimes I have to remind myself how loved I am. I forget. I can tell when I've forgotten because I'm not loving towards myself or others. I'm learning that when I believe I'm something, I act like I am what I believe. Loved --> Loving. Merely Tolerated --> Aggravated. Happy --> Light-hearted. My actions are never the root of a problem, they are the fruit of what I believe about myself. My feelings toward others are not a result of what they've done to me; they are the fruit of what I believe about myself. I'm learning this. I'm learning.
In the middle of controversy, anger, drama, issues, etc. I can remain loving and peaceful because I know God loves me and is my peace. Recently, I felt betrayed and hurt. The Lord revealed all of this to me before I could react in anger and bitterness. While I was in the middle of complaining about people to him, he simply started talking about his love for me. I could no longer dwell on "what they did to ME!", the focus went back on him. He's good. In the middle of moments where the hurt still feels raw and like it happened yesterday, I think on what a friend said (I'm paraphrasing) 'that when you've gone through something so intimately painful, there will come a day when you can look back, and, while you remember it happened, you remember as if it happened to someone else. It doesn't have the same affect on you anymore.' I'm getting there. Slowly but surely. Thanks to the Lord who's revealed His love for me so much so that I can love, REALLY love, the people I've felt betrayed by.